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Why Does My Child Listen to Everyone But Me?

Do you ever feel like your child listens to everyone but you?

I can remember when my daughter was younger, she would throw fits and get angry, but it seemed like she only did this around me. My husband would say, "she doesn't act that way for me." I wondered what I could be doing wrong. Why was my daughter behaving for everyone but me?

When I was a child, I was always on my best behavior. I was able to read other's emotions. I knew when to speak up, and when to be quiet, in order to keep the peace. I walked on egg shells and tried my best not to rock the boat. It wasn't until I became a mother that I realized this was not "normal" behavior for a child. A child should not have to read the adults around them. A child should not be responsible for making sure the adults in their life were happy and content.

My daughter was behaving in the manner she was because she felt safe and comfortable around her mother. I was, and still am, her safe place to land. My daughter knows that my love for her is unconditional. She is allowed to express her emotions without fear of her parents lashing out at her.

When I became a mother, my goal was to break generational cycles of abuse. I wanted to raise a child who knew they were loved. A child who was able to be a child, to grow and learn in a loving and nurturing environment. While I originally thought I failing at my goals, I was in fact succeeding. I just needed to adjust my expectations, and heal my own childhood trauma wounds.

I tell my story, so that others who feel like they are failing know they are not. For those of us who are breaking cycles, it's important to know we are embarking on unfamiliar territory. Our child's life is not going to look like ours, and thar is our goal. We have to heal our wounds so we able to allow our children to live the life they deserve.

I hope to see the end the mentality that it is children against adults. I hope children are seen as our future, rather than our burden. I hope children are lifted up, rather than put down by the adults around them. I hope adults are soon held to the higher standard, rather than children. I hope children are both seen and heard. We have a lot of work to do, as a society, but it begins with each of us.



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