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Recognizing the Problem

In order to fix a problem, you have to recognize that there is a problem.


As we are healing and breaking the cycle, we have to dig deep and acknowledge all of the ways we have been influenced by negative behavior in our lives. Some scars can be seen, but others while not seen, are still felt deeply.


Negative and harmful behavior includes:

  • Physically - when an individual attacks or harms another individual and causes an injury to the body.

  • Sexually- when any unwanted, nonconsensual sexual act occurs, whether it be touching, oral, or rape.

  • Emotionally - when someone uses your emotions to manipulate, criticize, demean, embarrass, or shame you.

  • Verbally -when an individual yells, screams, belittles, or calls another individual names.

  • Spiritually - when an individual uses religious beliefs to control another individual.



These negative behaviors, overtime influence who we are and who we become. If you have experienced these behaviors, you may exhibit the following.

  • You constantly apologize to others. It doesn’t matter what it is, you just always feel like you are in the wrong and everyone else is right. You may feel like everyone else matter more than you and you are in their way.

  • You can’t take a compliment. If others compliment you, you feel embarrassed and wonder what they want from you. You don’t feel like you deserve anyone’s praise and attention.

  • You second guess yourself. You don’t think you know the correct answer or you don’t think your answer is good enough. You may look to others for answers and blindly follow them.

  • You’re sensitive to loud noises. Large crowds and sudden noises bother you.

  • You are introverted. You may have a hard time trusting others so you have a small group of friends or keep to yourself. You would rather stand in the corner than be the center of attention.

  • You don’t like eye contact. When others address you, you look down and fear what they are thinking of you.

  • You hide from conflict. You’re a people pleaser and do what others want so you won’t upset them. You may have a hard time telling others no.

  • You beat yourself up. You may rerun conversations and events back in your head telling yourself everything you did wrong. If something goes wrong, you automatically blame yourself.

If you have been influenced by negative behaviors and now exhibit the above traits, please know that it is possible to heal. Once you acknowledge the behaviors and people who have negatively impacted you, you can begin to set boundaries and start your journey of healing.



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